I am currently a final year undergraduate in National University of Singapore (NUS), majoring in Life Sciences. I have gained better understanding of the complex system of humans. Moreover, laboratory experiences have enhanced my observational, analytical skills. Doing research projects have also taught me to be more flexible in terms of time commitments as well as work approaches.
Moreover, active involvement in co-curriculum activities has made me realized the importance of teamwork. As the publicity and marketing head of the annual event of NUS Voices, Emerge 2007, I realized that effective communication is the basis of strong bonding in a team. Each department should not solely function as an independent group. Instead, we should all cooperate and coordinate the actions together towards the same goal. Dealing with the problems encountered during the event, i developed good organizational and interpersonal skills.
My family is a very essential part of my life. Even though my family’s financial status is below average, we have pulled through reasonably well. The financial difficulties have shaped my character to one that is highly motivated and determined. I am generally optimistic and I trust that hard work would be eventually paid off. Hence, if I choose to do something, I would put in my greatest effort and commitment.
I strongly believe in “Less is more.” The lesser one desires, the happier one would be. Therefore, I cherish the quality relationships with my loved ones. This is in conjunction with the pleasure I find in helping others. One meaningful voluntary experience would be the visit to the Lion’s Home for the Aged. Accompanied by my junior college’s choir members, we went to perform and interact with the elderly. These simple tasks we did brought great happiness to the elderly.
I am positive in embarking on a life-long journey of learning. This goes hand in hand with my intention of working in a challenging environment that involves both independence and teamwork.
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Hi Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteI like the way to organize your personal statement. You had effectively explained your values as well as elaborating them. I feel that you did a great job to focus on your personalities instead of simply stating what you did in your past experiences similar to writing an application letter
One point which I found is this phrase "I trust that hard work would be eventually paid", should the words behind the sentence suppose to be "paid off"?
Thank you for your fantastic effort :)
Hi Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteyour entry is concise yet it effectively tells the reader what your focus is. I believe you are trying to emphasize on your optimism as well as your ability to work well in a team.
However, there is an error in the following sentence structure:
"Dealing with the many problems encountered during the event, it has honed my organizational and interpersonal skills."
An alternative way of writing would be:
"Dealing with the problems encountered during the event, I developed good organizational and interpersonal skills."
The subject (who did this?) should come after the comma.
In all, this post is clearly-focused and I learnt much from it. Thank you for sharing! :)
Reagrds,
Kesleen
Hi Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteI also find your personal statement very structured and concise and there is a very clear idea in which each paragraph is trying to convey. I think your personal statement covers most of the aspects in the 7Cs in effective writing.
However, in your personal statement, you mentioned that how the skills and values you have would aid you in your future learning and work. I am actually quite curious which field of study and work you are interested in. Maybe you would like to share in your personal statement.
Thank you for sharing!
Hi Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteI like the fact that you talked about your life motto in your 3rd paragraph. It not only adds a more personal touch to your personal statement, it adds individualism as well.
I agree with Xiuling that you have a clear structure in your personal statement. However in your 4th paragraph, it would be better if you could elaborate on the simple tasks you did for the Home.
The ending paragraph seems a bit abrupt to me as well. Perhaps you can further lengthen it?
Thanks for sharing! =).
Cheers,
Hazel
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure I made comments on your post. Are they awaiting moderation?
ReplyDeleteDear Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteI apologize. I read your post earlier but apparently did not leave comments. In any case, you have painted a very positive picture of yourself here, though you paint with a wide brush. That means you do cover lots of different aspects of your background and experience. You give quite fine detail though, which makes that more effective. That seems to be especially true in your 2nd, 3rd and 4th paragraphs. I would simply suggest that in your conclusion and intro you weave in some mention of those key traits that you discuss in you body paragraphs: optimism, motivation and determination. In short, work on the overall cohesion.
There are also a couple language problems:
1) Besides understanding the complex systems of human, laboratory experiences have enhanced my observational, analytical skills. > very weird sentence!
2) Research projects have also taught me > Doing research projects have also taught me
Thank you for your hard work!
p.s. I really like your profile pic on this page. It always brings a smile to my face!
Hello Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteI like the personal touch when you added in details about your family. Admitting that you have financial difficulties show that you are a frank person and helps you connect with the reader. Hence, I suggest that it might be good if you emphasized more on what financial difficulties you faced and how it helped you grow and shape your character. I believe that it would help make your personal statement stand out and it will cease to be merely a letter but more like a link for the reader to see your steely resolve.
Like what Brad says, I think there are a couple of weird sentences. These few sentences just did not sit right with me. “One meaningful voluntary experience would be the visit to the Lion’s Home for the Aged. Back then, accompanied by my junior college’s choir members, we went to perform and interact with the elderly. Simple tasks we did brought great happiness to the elderly.” I think the structure and phrasing is a bit wrong so you might want to rearrange it a bit.
Cheers and see you in class tomorrow!
Russell
To all: Thanks! Will take note and edit the respective language problems =DD Thanks!! :D
ReplyDelete